So far I am unsure if I survived my weekend. My body is protesting loudly and I am struggling to find any peaceful corners in my brain. I feel like I am getting J’s fluey bug thing and I will just have to hope my immune system is as superior as I was skiting about while he was in the throes of imminent death a week ago.
There was some great fun had though. We danced, sang and giggled until 5am on Saturday morning. My body was ‘orribly inconsiderate and woke me up on time at 7am, seemingly unaware I was about to have heart failure from the dehydration and fatigue that made me feel very, very old.
It was a battle to get through a birthday party with 14 ten year old girls, a brand new PS2 with Singstar and varying levels of puberty attacking from all sides. But eventually they were all gone or in bed and it was just two old friends left to finally catch up on where life has been for the last year. There was much to say but I realised so much needed context that was hard to get right - I don’t really understand it all myself, and I care about the past less these days. So I think more was left unsaid than not.
So now I am home, physically trashed and mentally numb. I have been working hard this last week to get rid of all the little stresses in my life. It feels good but not great yet. That will come I hope as my brain revs up again.
Summer is on it’s way and I want it to be filled with flowers, barbecues and sleeveless tops. I want to get a lot more physical and get outdoors without hiding my face and my body. I don’t want to be seen but I do want to feel the sun, the salt, the water, the grass, the sand. I need to feel something again.